The Wheel of Lessons: Number 1
by stealingseamonkeys
Summary: Kelly McKathy is sure that she has gone insane when a small man in orange turns up in her bedroom. But he is there to teach her a lesson. She's now stuck in Pirates Of The Caribbean! PLEASE R&R!
1. Kelly McKathy

Hey everybody,

Got bored, so I thought I might try this. Please review. Oh yeah,

Ogreatrandom: I admit it, it is similar to yours. I hope you don't mind, but I DID think about this idea and before I even went onto Fanfiction. But you wrote about it first, so if you don't want me to write it say the word and I'll delete it. Thanks.

SSM ;)

I sat on my bed, looking around and trying to find something to pummel. I was so mad. Let me ask you a question: Who in their right mind would let my older sister get away with threatening me with a knife? Let me tell you who: my own Mother. That's right. All I did was take her jacket to school with me. That's IT! And suddenly it's all, how dare you take that to school with you!

All right, maybe she HAD saved up for it for a while. (Fine, three months)

And yeah, maybe I did get some chocolate stains on it. I'm sure they'll wash out after a while though!

So I sat there, trying to cry so mum might give me a bit of sympathy. I closed my eyes and squeezed them tight, hoping to get a few tears out.

Then the most weirdest thing happened: There was a blinding flash of white.

No joke. I opened my eyes and there, in the middle of my room, was …

"Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to the WHEEL OF LESSONS! We are making a special appearance in little Miss Kelly McKathy's room! Tell us, Kelly, what did you do?"

I looked around me. A HUGE wheel, like the ones you see in game shows, was standing _in the middle of my room!_ I stared at it. It was all different colours, and it looked like there was … no, that'd be stupid.

"Miss Kelly? You hoo… Kelly!" I looked around. I couldn't see where the unknown voice was coming from!

"Who – who's there?" I stammered, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them.

"Oh, sorry about that." Then, from behind the wheel, stepped out a teeny tiny little man. He wore a bright orange suit with a purple tie and green shoes. He looked a bit like Mr Shine, with his super-shiny head. He was completely bald – oh wait, I can just see one grey hair sticking out up the top. "As I was saying," He continued, carefully brushing off a speck of dust on his shoulder, "Tell the audience, _what did you do?_"

"I didn't –"

"I'll tell you what you did: You _stole_ a priceless jacket that your sister saved up for, took it to school then _ruined_ it! Then, when she got upset at you, you had the _nerve_ to complain!"

An unseen group of people let out boos and catcalls. I sat up and crossed my arms.

"She threatened me with a knife – "

"You think that tiny thing was a knife?" The tiny bald man scoffed, and the invisible audience followed his lead.

"So audience: _SHOULD SHE SPIN THE WHEEL?_"

The unseen audience shouted out all at once. "YES!"

"_THE WHEEL OF WHAT?"_

"_THE WHEEL OF LESSONS!"_

I was seriously freaked out. I was seeing a genuine fashion victim who had this massive wheel, and I was hearing voices! I shuffled backwards and cowered with my pillows.

The audience was going crazy. "SPIN, SPIN, SPIN, SPIN, SPINNN_!"_

I couldn't control my body. It was moving all by itself. It was like I was watching the whole thing from above. My feet carried me forward, and my hands rested on the wheel. The audience was getting louder.

"_SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN –"_

I stared at the wheel. My eyes widened in bewilderment: There where all names of movies! A Cinderella Story, Bend It Like Beckam, and Harry Potter… the list went on and on!

"**_SPIN-SPIN-SPIN-SPIN-SPIN!"_**

My hands pushed the wheel. I watched in horror as it spun. All of the colours where a blur. The audience went physio.

"**_SPINSPINSPINSPINSPIN_**!"

It was slowing down. The little bald man was jumping up and down, his one hair flapping.

It clicked over Legally blonde, and then over Lizzie McGuire Movie, then it landed on…

"**_PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL!"_**

Then everything went black.

oOo

"Ooh…" I opened my eyes and stared about. I was on a boat. A BOAT! And it was leaking… Oh crap, my jeans…

Wait a second, I wasn't _waring_ my jeans! I had these baggy black things on. And my shirt… it looked like something from the nineteen hundreds! A massive ruffle was down the front of it, and what was on my head?

"What's with the hat?" I wondered out loud, wrinkling up my snub, freckled nose (that have my great misery, I must say. The freckles, at least.). I heard movement above me, and I froze. Looking up, I realised that I was underneath …

"Jack Sparrow…" I whispered. "Crap…"

I huddled under one of the seats, trying to ignore the rapidly filling boat. Luckily I was so short for my age. (Thirteen, by the way.) Jack jumped down and began to toss out buckets of water with this bucket. He sat on the seat I was underneath, and began to fill his bucket and fling it out into the ocean.

We slowed down. Suddenly he stood up, removed his hat and saluted to something I couldn't see, due to my unfortunate position. But I'd seen the movie enough times to know that he was looking at the pirate skeletons.

Watched the movie. Shit, the boat was about to sink!

I quickly climbed up the sails. Luckily I was pretty fast, due to my lessons in gymnastics. I clung to the sails. Jack didn't notice as he climbed up the mast that I was there. As we pulled into the dock, He stepped out and started to walk away. I was only submerged in the water for a few seconds, and then I followed him and pulled myself up and hid behind a pile of barrels,

An old geezer and a little kid looked from the boat to jack.

"Hold up there you!" the man called. Jack turned and walked towards the two people.

The old man adopted an unquestionable way of speaking. "It's a _shilling_ to tie up a boat at the dock."

We all turned to look at the pathetic mask poking out of the water.

"And I shall need to know your name."

Jack jostled a few things in his pocket and pulled out his clasped hand. "What do you say three shillings," He said, laying out three coins on the geezer's book, "And we'll forget the name?"

"We all looked at Jack for a few seconds. The man smiled and replied, "Welcome to Port Royal, Mr Smit."

Jack had a half smirk on his face as he nodded his head in the direction of the man and the kid.

He walked along, picking up a bag of coins on his way out. Well, what was _I _supposed to do? Of course, I followed him.

Now, in the movie we go to Elizabeth, so I didn't quite know what was going to happen. I soon found out though.

Jack walked straight into an alley. I followed, but surprising it was a dead end. He turned around and held out his sword.

"All right, lassie." He said, smirking softly. "Tell me why ya was on me ship, or ya head flies into the street."

I gaped at him. "How did you know – "?

"I know everythin' tha' happens on me ship." He murmured softly, circling me slowly (but in that oh-so-charming way only Johnny Depp can pull off) and cocking his head to the side.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I snapped crossly.

"Try me, lass."

I didn't mean to. I really didn't. But suddenly I told him everything: The little bald man, the Wheel of Lessons, the invisible audience…

Once I had finished, Jack had replaced his sword. He walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Ya been drinkin' rum, haven't ya?"

I was insulted. "_No!_"

"Ok luv, you haven't. Do ya want ta come with me? I'll get ya a nice, comfy bed. How does tha' sound?"

I suddenly had a flashback. "I know your plan." I said, trying my hardest to sound coy. I blinked my bright green eyes for effect.

Jack did a double take. "Wha'?"

"You're planning to steal a ship, gather a crew and… and… um… crap, what was it again?"

But it didn't matter. He was staring at me now. "How'd you know that?" He asked, bewildered.

I shook my short blonde hair. "It doesn't matter. All you have to worry about is that I'll keep my mouth shut."

"He squinted at me. "I can always just shoot ye."

"I have already told my … Mother where I am and what you are planning to do. If I don't come back, she will tell everyone else." Hell, I'm a good liar.

What's more fantastic is that he actually believed me. Go figure! "All righ'." He scowled, crossing his arms. "What do ya want?"

"I want to come with you. On your boat."

He stared at me. "Ya're dressed like a pirate. But ya accent…"

"I can… clean." I said, trying to make myself seem less useless then I really was. He smirked. "Alright. Welcome aboard lass." With that, he turned and walked back to the dock.


	2. Wish I was Drowning

**Disclaimer: I don't own Disney. But I _do _own Johnny Depp. Isn't that right, Johnny?**

**Johnny: Oh yeah, she does. _If anyone is reading this, please send help. She has me trapped at the address – _**

**SSM: Johnny, go back to my bedroom. _Now!_**

**Johnny: As you wish, Mistress.**

Hey everybody,

Thanks for the reviews, they where really nice! Answers:

Cherreh and Stormeh: Thank you, hope you keep reading!

Ogreatrandom: LOL, nah, never would have guessed you like people trapped in movies! Thanks for not going off at me, I appreciate it!

I love CHEESECAKE: Yeah, I know. I don't actually have TV where I live, the receptions too bad. We live in a valley. So we have pay TV instead, and there's no game shows on that 

Sphinx Jinx: Yeah, Ogreatrandom's story's awesome. LOL, thank you! Please keep reading! And thanks for adding me to story alerts!

Bb: Thanks; keep reading (and reviewing!)

Questions:

All right, I stayed up on New Years Eve (my parents and brother went to bed, so it was me and the DVD of Legally Blonde --) And I went on Fanfiction frenzy. I read a whole heap of stories, and I have questions!

Yes, I come from a very sheltered background, me in my tiny town (population of 700!) What is:

1. a wench

2. a whelp or

a Eunuch ?

Anyway, thank you! And on with the story!

Love,

SSM ;)

oOo

"Alright." Jack muttered, standing at the top of the ramp. "Here's the plan. I'll go an' cause a diversion. You sneak onto the boat, savvy?"

"Yeah, whatever." I answered.

"Ok. Go onto the boat when you hear the words The Black Pearl come out of me mouth. Let's go." Jack sauntered down the ramp, and strolled up as if to get onto the boat. Two guards, one fat one and one skinny one, hurried towards him and blocked his path.

"This dock is off limits to civilians." The skinny one said stiffly.

Jack held up his hands. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately."

He went to move again, but the guards blocked him once more. "Apparently there's some fancy hight up at the forte, aye. How could it be, that two upstanding gentlemen such as yourselves… did not marret an invitation?"

The two men looked at each other. "Someone… must make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians. "

"It's a fine job to be sure," Jack replied, trying to get around them again, but failing. "But it seems to me, that a ship like that, makes this one look a bit subereous really."

"Oh, the _Dauntless_ is the powers in these waters true enough." The skinny guard said. "But there's no ship that can match the _Interceptor_ for speed."

Jack held up his hand. "I've 'eard of one. Supposed to be very fast, niuncatchable… _The Black Pearl."_

That was my cue. I snuck out from my hiding place and slunk down. I don't know if Jack saw me or not, but I managed to get onto the boat. I sat on the floor, hidden by the wheel of the boat.

They where _still _talking. The skinny one was rambling on. "_The Black Pearl_ is a real ship."

The other one laughed. "No, no there's not."

"Yes there is, I've seen it."

"You've seen it?"

"Yes."

"You haven't seen it!"

"Yes, I have!"

"You've seen a ship, with black sails, and captained by a man so evil, that hell itself, spat him back out?"

The skinny one shook his head. "No. But I have seen a ship with black sails."

Jack started to slide away. He walked up to my hiding spot, and would you believe, _kicked_ me!

"Ouch!" I muttered. He looked down.

"Oh sorry luv. Didn't know you where down there."

He then proceeded to pretend to sail the ship, just playing with the wheel. This was my proof that he was the one who had too much rum.

The guards finally stopped arguing and noticed us up there. Actually, they realised Jack was up there. No one could see me.

"HEY!" They yelled. I was expecting for Jack to duck down with me and hide, but he just blinked at them. They kept going, however.

"GET AWAY FROM THERE!" One screamed. They both had their guns pointing at Jack. "You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate!"

Jack ever so causally let go of the wheel and held up his hands. "I'm so sorry, it's just such a pretty boat – ship."

"I've seen better." I muttered. He kicked me.

Neither of the guards noticed. The skinny one said crossly, "What's your name?"

"Smith." Jack said happily. "Or smithy, if you like."

I want a fake name. "Should I say a name too?" I whispered up at him. I think he was mad at me then, because he started to walk away from me, leaving me totally unprotected apart from the wheel.

"What's you're purpose, import royal, Mr Smith?"

"Yeah, and no lies!" The other warned.

"Alright then." He said, taking a few steps further away from me.

"Get back here!" I hissed. As usual, he ignored me. "I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid pillages and otherwise pilfer my wheezily black guts out.

At least, that's what it sounded like to me.

The guards looked bewildered. "I said no lies!" The skinny one exclaimed.

The fat one cocked his head. "I think he was telling the truth…"

"If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us."

"unless of course he knew that you wouldn't have believed the truth, even if he told it to ya."

The skinny one smiled, then just looked confused. I was getting really bored, just sitting there. So I jumped up. "Who's she?" The fat one demanded.

"Oh," Jack said, giving me the death stare, "That's, um… that would be…"

"I'm Kelly!" I exclaimed, bouncing over to the group of men. "Kelly… Smith! He's my father."

Jack's shoulder's tensed as he scowled at me. "Shut up!" He muttered. The guards seemed not to care though.

"Could you tell us about yourself, Mr Smith?" The fat one asked.

Jack grinned and sat down on one of the benches lining the boat. I went to follow, but he gave my shin a bit of a kick and muttered, "On the floor, lass. _Now!_"

I glared at him and settled on the floor, and then he began to talk. I listened in awe as he told us the most wonderful story of his life. I edged closer and closer, until I was kneeling at his feet, gazing up at him. I couldn't help it, it was fascinating!

"And then they made me their chief." He said. That stirred something in my memory. I looked over at the water, almost semi-consesly. I watched as Elizabeth hit the water. Everyone jumped at the sound of the splash, and we all looked over.

"What the hell was that?" The fat one asked.

"Elizabeth! The governor's daughter!" I shouted. "You, Jack. You're meant to save her!"

Jack looked at me in horror. He slowly turned to the guards. "Will you be saving her?" He asked.

"I can't swim!" One exclaimed. He sighed and began to pull off his jacket, along with his weapons.

"Do not lose these!" He said, thrusting the stuff at the guards. He jumped off the boat. I could make out his shadow, going towards Elizabeth's.

"Lucky bitch." I muttered. Neither of the guards heard me, I had already began to run towards the dock. I should have stopped him. The idiot deserved to die, who in their right mind would were a corset?

I groaned at myself as I watched Jack resurface and then go back under. I didn't need to see him to know what was happening, he was pulling off her dress. I wish he would pull off my dress.

"Envy: another good reason for you to be here." I spun around to come face to face with the bald orange man.

"You!" I gasped. "Take me home, please! I don't want to be here anymore! I'm so hot! How do these people service?"

The orange man just kept smiling as if he hadn't heard me. "Give the audience a wave!"

"They're not here are they?" I asked, spinning around. He laughed.

"No, they're all back home! We're filming you, don't you know?"

"Where are the cameras?" I asked.

He grabbed the sides of his stomach, wheezing and coughing from laughing so hard. "CAMRAS!" He rasped. "Who needs them?"

"Huh?" But he disappeared, still laughing like a maniac. I sighed and turned to see

commodore Norrington's sword pointed to Jack's throat. "Super." I muttered sarcastically, and walked over to see what was happening.


	3. Just Watching

**Hey everyone,**

**I am so, so, so sorry for asking those questions last chapter. If I had any idea… sorry!**

**Anyway, answers:**

**SilentEclipse: Thank you for your very informative definitions, they where very good! And yea, totally agree about the camras. What is this phrase, 'common sence'? LOL joke.**

**Ogreatrandom: Thanks for your review and your long email with bits outlined in red. I loved it!**

**And it'd be more awkward for you then me! Thanks for telling me!**

**Nim Fea Edainme: Thanks for the definitions, I get the picture!**

**Charlotte Norrington: Oh yeah! Are you a Norrington fan?**

**Ok, thank you for the reviews everyone.**

**Question:**

**What's a C2?**

**Ok, I better go. Bye!**

**SSM ;)**

Trying not to draw attention to myself, I tiptoed over to the group of people. I looked over the Governor's shoulder to see what was happening.

"On your feet." Norrington spat, his sword still at Jack's throat. Jack jumped up, and the Governor ran over.

"Elizabeth!" He cried, wrapping her in his jacket.

We all looked at the guard that was holing her corset. He quickly dropped it and pointed to Jack, which personally I found quite funny.

"Shoot him!" The governor growled.

"Father!" Elizabeth yelled. She then cocked her head at Norrington. "Commodore, do you really intend to kill my rescuer?"

Norrington looked as if someone in his navy had shoved one of their guns up his –

"I believe thanks is in order." He said, holding out his hand. Jack stared at it for a few seconds, and then went to take it.

"You idiot." I muttered. And yes, you all know what happened then: Norrington grabbed Jack's arm to reveal the pirate crest.

"I knew that was going to happen." I said smugly to the Governor. He pretended like he didn't hear me. He might not have, seeing as though he was paying so much attention to Jack and Norrington.

Norrington was _still_ talking. "Keep the guns on him men, Jelette, fetch some irons."

He pulled Jack's sleave up some more. "Well well. Jack Sparrow, isn't it?"

Jack yanked his arm back. "Captain, Jack Sparrow, actually."

Norrington looked around. "I don't see your ship… Captain."

"I'm in the market, as it were."

"He said he came to commandeer one." The skinny guard muttered.

The other guard scowled. "Told you he was telling the truth. These are his, sir."

The fat one handed all of Jack's equipment over to Norrington. Norrington started to look through all of it.

"No additional shot, nor powder… a compass that doesn't point north."

He pulled the sword out of its holder. He smirked at Jack. "And I half expected it to be made of wood."

I began to make my way over to Jack. Maybe he could give me instructions…

"You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of!" Norrington said.

Jack held up a hand. "But you _have_ heard of me."

Norrington grabbed Jack's arm and pulled him over towards the sea. A man hurried over with some handcuffs.

Elizabeth ran over, saying something about how she was protesting. I followed her, and snuck up to Jack. "What do I do?" I asked. He looked around. "Once Isay… Sparrow, yes. The word Sparrow is what you're waiting for. When you hear me say that, run as fast as ya can to… the Blacksmiths. Aye, that'll do. You got that, kid?"

"Yeah, copy that sargent."

Jack stared at me.

"Never mind."

Norrington was talking again. Sigh.

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness."

"But it seems enough to condeem him." Jack piped up.

Norrington scowled. "Indeed."

The man left Jack with the handcuffs. He grinned at me. "Finally."

It happened so fast, it was lucky I watched this scene a million times on my DVD player to realise what had happened.

He tosses the chain over Elizabeth's neck and pulled her close to him. Everyone gasped.

"No, don't shoot!" the governor yelled.

"I knew you'd warm up to me." Jack whispered in her ear.

"Commodore Norrington, my effects please. And my hat." He yelled out to the Navy.

I hopped from one foot to the other. It was so much more exicting when you where standing right there then when you where watching it on your TV.

"Commodore!"

Norrington grabbed Jack's things and held them, not really sure what to do.

Jack was muttering in Elizabeth's ear. I lent forward so I could hear. "Elizabeth, it is Elizabeth, isn't it?"

"It's Miss Swann." Elizabeth growled, sounding very brutal for a woman in her era.

"Miss Swann, if you could be so kind."

Elizabeth looked around, then realised what she was supposed to do. She went to pick up the things.

"Come, come dear, we don't have all day."

As soon as she had the things firmly in her hands, Jack spun her around.

"Oh, hurry up!" I murmered. He pretended he didn't hear.

"Now, would you be so kind."

God, I wish I were Elizabeth. _I _want to be threatened by Jack Sparrow. It's so not fair…

She started to put his stuff on him. The hat, the jacket, the swords in his belt…

"Easy on the goods, darlin'." He said to her, grinning his head off.

"You're despicable. " She hissed, glaring at him.

"Sticks and stones love. I save your life, you save mine, we're square."

He spun her back around and gave me a meaningful glance. I nodded, and got myself ready to run.

"Gentlemen, m'lady," He said, slowly walking backwards, "You will always remember this as the day you almost caught… Captain…Jack…_Sparrow!"_

He pushed her into the arms of the Governor and Norrington. I didn't see this, however. I had began to run as fast as I could.

**a/n: sorry nothing much happens, and it's so short. But I needed it in there anyway. PLEASE REVIEW!**


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